By OzThink
The body of Jesus, the Nazarene, is reportedly missing, three days after burial.
Jesus was crucified on charges of blasphemy and causing civil unrest in what some say was a politically motivated execution. Pontius Pilate had him crucified at Golgotha on the Jewish Passover.
Rumors are circulating that Jesus has risen from the dead around the same time that the earthquake occurred last night. He is reported as saying that he would rise in three days.
Jewish authorities claim his body was stolen and the earthquake was just a random occurrence. Chief Priest Abdiel reported "The body was clearly removed by Jesus' followers to save them from embarrassment. Their teacher claimed on numerous occasions to rise from the dead in three days. What better way to support this ridiculous claim than by stealing the body."
Maarav, one of the stationed temple guards verified the Chief Priest's account, admitting they had all fallen asleep prior to the body's removal.
The Chief Priest noted that while the guards who had been posted for the very purpose of protecting the body to prevent rumors of a resurrection, their negligence would not be investigated or punished.
"The body has been stolen. Sure there will be speculation of a resurrection but this is likely to fade away. It's not as if Jesus will ever be seen walking around as he was clearly dead. I see no reason in punishing these temple guards any further. They made an honest mistake."
When questioned about whether the guards had received money to claim the body had been stolen, Abdiel said "There is one hoax and one hoax alone. Jesus is dead. We have nothing to gain by bribing guards. The disciples of Jesus have everything to lose if their master stays dead."
The disciples cannot be located today for questioning.
